vicstaroonie (vicstaroonie) wrote,

The Rules of Being Angry

So the other night I had a bad dream in which I find out that Stu has been cheating on me, so when I wake up I need a little reassurance. I turn to Stu and after saying good morning to him I ask, “You haven’t cheated on me right?” there was hesitation before he said ‘no’ so I asked again. He changes his answer. My first questions were who, where and when. It turns out he kissed a girl while out one night at a local night club (yes, I am being vague to you, he was specific to me) and he didn’t tell me because we’d only just gotten back (later ‘only just’ turned into ‘about two weeks’) together and he ‘thought it would ruin everything.’ He said that it had happened because his sister still didn’t know that we were back together (even though I had asked him to tell her many times (she doesn’t like me and he didn’t want her to have a go at him)) and he didn’t want her to get suspicious, so he acted as if he was still single. After this, I sat quietly trying to figure out how I felt and if I was a hypocrite for being angry and upset (I have done far worse to him, more times.) He then decided to disappear for two to three hours and let me dwell on it. When he finally returned he told me that he was avoiding me because I was upset.

I then spent the next couple of days telling him that I was fine and we were fine and that everything was fine… Until today. He knew something was bothering me and said that it upset him that I wouldn’t talk to him, so I told him. I told him about how I wanted to be angry and upset but felt as if it would be hypocritical. He told me that I needn’t feel like that because when we got back together we wiped the slate clean. He told me that I could do or say whatever I wanted to feel better and I had every right to do so. I asked him some more questions, cried a little and then mentioned that I thought Josh was texting me because he was worried about me. Instantly he gets irate, demanding to know how Josh knows, then he flipped out when I said that I posted a status on Facebook.

Unbelievable that he can somehow make this about him. He always does something like this when he feels the power shift. He can’t let me have one up on him, no matter what. He always has to find some way to make me the bad guy. I think that I, being the injured party, should be allowed to tell who I want, do what I want and express myself in any way I want. But no, I am allowed to be upset but only in a way that is previously approved by him. He’s still angry at me. He keeps demanding an apology but he’s not going to get one.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight. I’ll tell you more about other things at a later date and I apologise for all of the brackets in the first paragraph.

Blessed Be
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